Alt.gothic faq

alt.gothic new? READ THIS FIRST

draft version 4.0.4 "finding a sickness you like"

Changes since 4.0.3 - added net.goth definition - added news reading advice - added welcome

000. Q: Is there a welcome message for alt.gothic?

    A: Yes.

00a: Q: Aren't you meant to be open and welcoming?

    A: What are you? New?

00b Q: ...

    A: Oh. Um, try not to die in a fire.

001. Q: This FAQ seems incomplete! Is anyone working on updating the FAQ?

    A: Kest is.

01a Q: What about questions that aren't in this FAQ?

    A: I.  http://www.darkwave.org.uk/faq/ag/
       II. http://groups.google.co.uk/group/alt.gothic/msg/6590b21704f326d6
       III.http://www.altgothic.com/wiki
       IV. Ask. the essence of an FAQ is the AQ, eh?

01b. Q: Can I help write the FAQ?

    A: Yes. Talk to Kest.

01c. Q: Didn't this FAQ have a different title last month?

    A: Yes. Yes it did.

002. Q: What is goth?

    A: A post-punk movement.

001. Q: This FAQ seems incomplete! Is anyone working on updating the FAQ?

    A: Kest is.

01a Q: What about questions that aren't in this FAQ?

    A: I.  http://www.darkwave.org.uk/faq/ag/
       II. http://groups.google.co.uk/group/alt.gothic/msg/6590b21704f326d6
       III.http://www.altgothic.com/wiki
       IV. ask. the essence of an FAQ is the AQ, eh?

01b. Q: Can I help write the FAQ?

    A: Yes.

01c. Q: This FAQ doesn't match others I've found online! Why?

    A: It isn't the same one.

01d: Q: Are you always so curt?

    A: No. Sometimes I'm Matthew Broderick.

002. Q: What is goth?

    A: A post-punk movement.

02a. Q: What is gothic?

    A: It's a little arch: Crude, architechural, musical, barbaric,
       literary.

02b. Q: What is a net.goth?

    A: A poster to alt.gothic, or another newsgroup within the *.gothic.*
       hierarchy. Those JUSTIFIED by an alt.gothic.INQUISITOR.

2bi. Q: An alt.gothic.INQUISITOR?

    A: Blessed are the words of RFC 1036: "The USENET standard is more
       restrictive than the general Internet Standard"

003. Q: Is X goth?

    A: It might be.

03a Q: Is Y gothic?

    A: It might not be.

03b. Q: Is emo goth?

    A: No. There are some stylistic similarities, but the two are distinct.
       Emo could be argued as a successor to goth, but history and common
       sense say otherwise.

3bi. Q: What is emo then?

    A: "Goth minus the fucking" / emo is to goth as 14 is to 24

04a. A: It's a SCIENTIFIC FACT.

    Q: Crabs? That doesn't seem...

004. A: It disrupts the natural order of conversation, and it causes

       crabs.
    Q: Why can't I top-post?

005 Q: Are there any other SCIENTIFIC FACTS?

    A: Yes.
       I.   Top-posting causes crabs.
            - See 004.
       II.  Excessive quoting makes you look like a campus socialist.
            - Trim posts you respond to. Leave enough for context.
       III. Missing attribution is like blackout sex.
            - What came from where?
       IV.  Posting binaries causes giant crabs.
            - GIANT CRABS.
       V.   HTML posts cause crabs that won't display in some pubic hair.
       VI.  Cross-posting causes lobsters.
       VII. The Golden Age is a myth.
       [8]. Wikipedia is a crab holding a message in a bottle
            - It's easily broken, usually wet, and it smells a little fishy
       XIX. Sexbat

006. Q: Why are people flaming/ignoring me?

    A: They felt like it.

06a. Q: What do I have to do to get taken seriously around here?

    A: Don't ask that question, for a start. Other than that, post well.

06b. Q: Aren't new posters entitled to a little respect?

    A: See 000.

007. Q: [Redacted]

    A: [Excised]

07e Q: What's that about?

    A: [Classified]

07f Q: Do you have any other posting advice?

    A: Posting through http://groups.google.com will work, but you may be
       better served by a proper newsreader and newsfeed. Most ISPs provide
       news servers, or used to. There are a variety of free newsreaders
       available for download too. Recommendations from interested parties
       will be tabulated here.

07g Q: What is the c*b*l?

    A: There is no c*b*l. There are, however, a number of * chambers.

07h Q: No, seriously. What is the c*b*l?

    A: The c*b*l are not alt.gothic's secret masters. That's the c*b*l.

008. Q: I have something really funny to say to this troll, can I?

    A: Yes. We can't stop you. Some situations cannot be solved by jokes.
       See your local multiplex for examples. If you can resist, do.

009. Q: Do you have any other advice for me then?

    A: Lurk. Introduce yourself at some point, it seems to be popular.
       It might seem fussy, but alt.gothic abides by Scientific Facts.
       They make conversation easier. The essence is clarity: A post
       should stand on its own two feet. Buckle up. Wear nice boots.

010. Q: Nice boots?

    A: The traditional response is "Wanna fuck?"

-- erith - SCIENTIFIC FAQtologist